Winter Leaves Like a Son in a Parade
by LovelessNobodyXIII
Summary: An epic tale of one man's journey through his wildest fantasies. Will he be able to return to reality, or rot away in a world of dreams?
1. WINTER LEAVES LIKE A SON IN A PARADE

WINTER LEAVES LIKE A SON IN A PARADE  
by Christopher Rangel

Captain Falcon watched over the burning wreckage below. "Something is not right. Where is that damn Yoshi? Yoshi!" He went into the car and pulled Yoshi out of Princess Peach. "Yoshi, you can impregnate the Princess later. He has returned."  
"Yoshi?" said Yoshi.  
"Yes", replied Captain Falcon. "We must alert the wizard". So they went to Gandalf's castle. "Where is that damn Gandalf? Gandalf!" He went into Gandalf's castle and pulled Gandalf out of Steven Tyler's daughter.  
"Gandalf, you can impregnate Steven Tyler's daughter later. He has returned."  
"You don't mean..."  
"Yes", replied Captain Falcon. "We must find the wellspring of ancient knowledge to figure out how to defeat them!"  
So Captain Falcon, Yoshi, and Gandalf found the wellspring, but there were weird noises coming from within. They found Patrick providing oral sex to Spongebob!  
"Oh fuck!" yelled Spongebob. "Your mouthhole puts all of my Spongeholes to shame!"  
"Hopefully my dickhole will get a bit of those Spongeholes, babe."  
"Oh shit!" Spongebob said as he saw the party of three approach.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi as Yoshi started jerking off.  
"You have contaminated the wellspring of ancient knowledge with your cum and you shall die!" said Gandalf and Gandalf shot lightning at the sea creatures, but they turned into skeletons.  
"Show me your moves!" Captain Falcon yelled as he started skullfucking. Once the skulls were thoroughly fucked they went to the wellspring. Gandalf fell to his knees and began to cry.  
"Those motherfuckers! All of the knowledge has been corrupted by buckets of Spongecum! It won't be long until that corruption spreads to our own knowledge. All is lost!"  
"So this was his plan, then", said Captain Falcon. "If we can beat him, then maybe we can cure the wellspring of the Spongecum!"  
"You need a little help with that?" came a voice from behind a corner. It was Solid Snake! He threw a cigarette into the Wellspring and said "me and him go way back. One might say that I am his father!"  
"You are his father?" said everyone except for Yoshi who said Yoshi.  
"Yes. I brought him into this world, I know how to take him out."  
So they hid behind a rock near the villain's castle, and lightning struck behind the castle because clouds were starting to move in. Not only clouds, but also Cloud Strife seemed to be moving in, because he stepped out of a U-Haul and began unpacking some furniture.  
"What the fuck is this?" asked Gandalf.  
"Oh, hi Gandalf", said Cloud.  
"Oh, hi Cloud", said Gandalf. "What the fuck is this?"  
"I'm moving in! This was just listed and for a god price too so I bought the house. I already have another house, but I need this house in order to keep all of my prostitutes unknown from Aerith!"  
"Isn't Aerith dead?" asked Captain Falcon.  
"How can a skeleton be dead, stupidpants?"  
"A skeleton cannot be dead", said Gandalf. "A skeleton can only be a skeleton."  
Captain Falcon nodded at that. "So, do you think you could help us out?" Captain Falcon said. "The man who sold you this castle has returned, and he made Patrick make Spongebob cum into the Wellspring of Knowledge and we need to stop him. Are you in?"  
"Hold on a second", said Cloud, and he went into the castle.  
"Where is that damn Cloud? Cloud!" said Captain Falcon. He went into the castle and pulled Cloud out of Vincent Valentine. "No time for fuck!" Captain Falcon screamed Cloud's face off and they went off to find the villain.  
"Where the fuck do we look?" asked Yoshi. "Uh, I mean, Yoshi!"  
"Well, Yoshi, we look where our heart points us and where our eyes turn us away", said Cloud. Cloud closed his eyes and found a secret river running from the Wellspring to the minds of everyone and he accidentally gave Gandalf brain cancer and he died and it was very sad.  
"He was a good man", said Captain Falcon. "We need to give him a proper funeral." So they gave him a proper funeral.  
"This hasn't all been for nothing", said Cloud. "I did manage to find his location." So they went to his location. It was just a tree. Captain Falcon Falco punched the tree and it exploded and there was a staircase so they went down the staircase.  
They found themselves in a hall filled with glass containers filled with liquid filled with old friends like Ichigo, Naruto, Yoko, Yoko Ono, and Ringo Starr.  
"Fucking shit", said Ringo. "Help! You have to get me out of here! He is a madman."  
"We know he is a madman", said Captain Falcon. "We will come back for you, but first thing is first."  
"You will regert this1" said Ringo Starr and he returned to the fetal position and he was very bad.  
So they found themselves in his throneroom and his chair was turned away so they could not see him.  
"Son", said Snake, raising his gun. "The time has come to turn around your chair." and the chair turned around but he wasn't in the chair. Instead Link was in the chair. He was tied up, gagged, and there was a time bomb attached to him and the timer said "1... 0" and it exploded and the whole place collapsed around them.  
When Captain Falcon woke up he was looking at the sky. He shifted under the rubble and his hearing returned and there was something that was a terrible sound. He looked up and he saw a severely mutated Ringo Starr feasting on the corpse of Yoshi.  
"You monster!" yelled Captain Falcon. "I'll crush you like the bug you are!"  
"I'm a Beatle, bitch! I'm unsquashable!" So Captain Falcon stood up and got in fighting pose, and Ringo Starr's mighty claws clung to the ground, but just before he was about to pounce there was a gunshot and Ringo fell to the floor.  
"Love me do, motherfucker", said Snake as he blew the smoke from the gun. Ringo Starr began to turn back to his human form and the wound healed and he stood up.  
"Thanks for saving me guys, I can tell you where he went. He went to the south pole. He is probably almost finished with his plan."  
"Shit", said Cloud. "We have to make it there. We all have people we love, and we have to make it there to save the people we love so we can stop him and save the people we love!"  
"Peace and love, man", said Ringo, a tear falling from his eye. He pulled out a shotgun, smiled, and said "Peace and fucking love."  
So they went to the airport to buy some tickets to the South Pole and Lando was the receptionist and he said "Holy shit man its Captain Falcon, Solid Snake, Cloud Strife, and Ringo Starr! Are you guys off to kill him?"  
"Yes", they said.  
"I want to come and kill him, too", Lando said.  
"Okay", they said and Lando quit his job and got on a plane with them.  
The flight was very long but they passed time by orgying in a pool of airline food (What's up with airline food? Boners, that's what!"  
So they made it to the South Pole and fucked all the penguins which caused the door at the middle of the south pole to open up and they went into the door and walked inside, but they were surrounded by a group of soldiers.  
"Mwa ha ha", came his voice from down the hall. A cloaked figure walked towards them and when he removed the cloak everyone gasped.  
"You!" said Captain Falcon.  
"Him." said Cloud.  
"That's right, me!" He said. "Gregory Stapleton of Winchester Nevada".  
"Gregory! You don't have to do this!" Snake yelled and cried.  
"Do you really care anymore? Has the Spongecum really not infected your mind yet?"  
"I will never forget that you are my son." said Snake.  
"Really?" Gregory Stapleton began to cry. "I did all of this because I thought you didn't love me!"  
"I love you, son." Then a Buster Sword went right through Solid Snake's chest.  
"No!" cried Gregory Stapleton. Snake fell to the floor and Captain Falcon went to his side and tried to shake him awake.  
"Snake? Snake! SNNNNAAAAAKKKKKKEEEEE!"  
"What a waste of flesh", said Cloud. Captain Falcon got up, and everyone looked at Cloud.  
"Why did you do that", said Ringo, lifting his shotgun.  
"Isn't it obvious?" said Cloud. He reached behind his back and pulled down the zipper revealing that he was actually Sephiroth. Sephiroth broke the Buster Sword in half on his knee and began to laugh. "Did you really think Gregory Stapleton discovered the secret of Spongecum in the Wellspring of Knowledge on his own? It was I that told him about that!"  
"You said it might bring my dad and I closer together!"  
"Didn't it?" said Sephiroth and he threw Solid Snake's corpse at Gregor Stapleton and Gregory Stapleton's neck broke and he was dead.  
"You son of a bitch!" yelled Captain Falcon as he went in to punch Sephiroth, but Sephiroth held Captain Falcon's punch by the fist and flung him against the wall.  
"Pathetic", said Sephiroth. But then he staggered. "What? Me... too?" the Spongecum began to infect his brain, and everyone else's brain, too. Everyone grabbed their heads and tried to stay standing. Ringo Starr fell to the ground, screaming, unsure of who he was now that the Knowledge of the Yellow Submarine was gone from his brain. Lando was slur singing a song.  
Then the chaos passed and they were still in the hall of Gregory Stapleton.  
"Right", said Sephiroth. "It has begun."  
Captain Flacon fought to stand up. "Tell us what the cure for the Spongecum is!" he demanded.  
Sephiroth shrugged. "Bitch, I don't give a fuck", he said. "I was only interested in infecting the Wellspring, not making it better. Have a good one" and Sephiroth disappeared.  
"Fuck!" said Ringo Starr. "I can barely remember who I am anymore."  
"I think I know someone that might be able to help us find the cure" said Lando. "Come with me." So they took a plane to a desert and found a library that was a tower and there was a giant owl inside (you know, the thing from Avatar the Last Airbender). They found a book about the Wellspring and found how to cure it of the Spongecum.  
"Yoshicum?" said Captain Falcon. "Shit, but Yoshi's dead!"  
"And just what are you pussies doing in here?" came a voice. It was Gary Oak who was wearing Professor Oak's skin as a cloak.  
"Gary!" said Lando. "You stole my Milennium Falcon!"  
"It works better for me anyways. Now die!" Gary threw all his Pokemon out and out came a Blastoise, a Raticate, and... Yoshi's reanimated corpse! They all attacked and all were killed except for dead Yoshi who could barely stand up.  
"Fine then", said Gary. "Have it your way!" He pulled out a really big assault rifle. "Smell ya later, dweebs!" but then a Keyblade came flying and Gary's head flew off.  
"Looks like your summer vacation is over", said Roxas. "Hi, I am  
Roxas". He shook Captain Falcon's hand. "Father!" said Roxas. The owl spirit came.  
"Yes, Roxas?" said the owl.  
"I wish to accompany these heroes to help save the Wellspring and the world!"  
"As you wish. Take care, my son."  
So they all went back to the Wellspring, carrying dead Yoshi along the way. They stood him up next to the Wellspring, which was now completely white, and helped him jerk off.  
"Yoooooossssshhhhhiiiit", said dead Yoshi as he ejaculated a giant sploosh into the Wellspring. The water, its toxins now neutralized, was clear again, but Yoshi was done and he collapsed and sank into the water.  
"Damn you!" yelled Sephiroth from behind them.  
"We win!" said Captain Falcon.  
"No", said Sephiroth. "You die, and next time I have an evil plan you won't be able to stop it!" He brandished his mighty Masamune, but then there was some splashing from the Wellspring and everyone turned as Zack Fair climbed out of the water and the theme from Crisis Core Final Fantasy VII started playing in the background.  
"Huh. Go figure", said Zack as he saw Sephiroth.  
"Impossible", said Sephiroth. "You died!"  
"I could say the same about you!" said Zack.  
"But this time you can't defeat me!" said Sephiroth.  
"Not alone", said Zack. He turned to everyone else and said "I'm going to need you guys to help me defeat him" and everyone said "okay" and fought Sephiroth. Sephiroth swung Masamune around a lot and Ringo Starr fired his shotgun and Lando fired his laser pistol and Captain Falcon did Falcon Punch and Zack used his Buster sword and the fight was very intense but then Sephiroth was weakened and Zack Omnislashed his ass and then stabbed him with the Buster Sword.  
"Its over, old friend", said Zack. Sephiroth smiled and his lifeless body fell to the ground, but then Captain Falcon was clutching at his head.  
"His inside me! Pull him out of me!" Lando consulted the book on the Wellspring.  
"I'm afraid there's only one way to get rid of Sephiroth for good", said Lando. "The host possessed by Sephiroth must drown himself within the Wellspring."  
"Very well", said Captain Falcon. "If it means saving the world." He gave everyone a hug, then walked into the Wellspring and let himself sink to the bottom, next to his old best friend Yoshi.  
After that, everyone went their seperate ways, but they all remembered each other. If one needed help, they helped. And they never forgot Captain Falcon. The Wellspring of Knowledge was renamed The Wellspring of Captain Falcon. It is because of their sacrifices that we can still remember things today.

FIN


	2. WINTER LEAVES LIKE A SON IN A PARADE II

WINTER LEAVES LIKE A SON IN A PARADE II:  
BEARING UNFORTUNATE TIDES FOR THE KING IN HIS SUIT  
Written by Christopher Rangel

"Skinwalkers", said Professor Layton as he drove his old timey British car. "It sounds like they were Skinwalkers, Gary and Sephiroth".  
"But they're all gone now, right?" said Zack in the backseat.  
"Not likely", said Luke from the passenger's seat.  
"Shut up, slut", said Professor Layton. "Anyways, it is not likely that that was all of them. The Skinwalkers were a large and proud people; I believe this is just the tip of the penis."  
"The tip of the penis?" said Lando. "Shit, sounds like we've got our work cut out for us."  
"Shouldn't be that much of a problem", said Zack, caressing his Buster Sword. "As long as honor is on our side, we can take anything on. And I've got a score to settle with these Skinwalkers; it isn't a good feeling to come back to life and find that your best friend has been killed. I'm in this for Cloud."  
"Very good", said Professor Layton. "What do you say, Luke?"  
Luke cleared his throat. "I think..."  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH"  
They arrived at Professor Layton's house. They went inside.  
"This shall be our base of operations against the Skinwalkers. I'll stay here. You guys gather information and report with these Transmission Devices. I call them Trannies for short."  
"Got it", said Zack, pumping his fist.  
"Now get going", said Professor Layton. He turned to Luke... "Now as for you..."  
Zack and Lando left Professor Layton's house and went onto the streets of London.  
"Right, so now we have to find out about the skinwalkers," said Lando.  
"There's a detective that lives around here, a famous one", said Zack. "I think maybe he might be able to help us."  
"Good", said Lando. "Maybe we can find the Milennium Falcon too. I was supposed to pick Han Solo up from Tatooine a year ago!"  
So they went to 124 B Baker's Street and Zack said "Hello, old lady. Is Sherlock in the house?"  
"Yes", said the old lady. "Sherlock is in the house. I will go get him." When she returned she came with Sherlock and Watson.  
"Hello, I don't believe we've met", said Sherlock.  
"Hi, I am Zack and this is Lando"  
"Hello Zack and Lando. I believe now that we have met." Watson was quiet because Zack's Buster Sword was giving him PTSD from the war because Watson was a soldier.  
"We were wondering if you knew anything about the Skinwalkers."  
"The Skywalkers?"  
"Nah, man, I know enough about the Skywalkers", said Lando. "We're talking about Skinwalkers."  
"Skinwalkers..." said Sherlock. "It sounds familiar. Let me go into my mind Cathedral." Sherlock went into his mind Cathedral. "Yes, I have heard of the Skinwalkers recently. Someone in the neighborhood was talking about fighting one."  
"Could you take us to him?" asked Zack.  
"Certainly", said Sherlock. "Come along, Watson." Watson went along, but he couldn't take his eyes from Zack's Buster Sword.  
Sherlock knocked on a door a couple blocks away, and a young hispanic man with glasses opened the door.  
"Hello, Chris", said Sherlick. (I am Chris; This is where I enter the story.  
"Hello Sherlock", I said. Then I saw Zack and Lando and gasped. "You guys were a part of Falcon's Men in the Spongecum incident a couple months ago! What brings you here?"  
"We heard from Sherlock that you encountered a Skinwalker recently and we are coming to you for information."  
I sighed. "Yeah, it was pretty bad. May and I were having our friend, Ash, over for dinner, but during dinner Ash took off his skin and revealed that he was actually Tidus and he laughed maniacally at us and he threatened May, but I managed to fight him out of the house. We have to keep our guard up, but we can manage it."  
"What's going on honey?" asked May.  
"A couple people are here asking about the Skinwalker", I said as May came to the door with me. (I know that in Pokemon May is 10, but here she is 18 so I can fuck her. I also convince myself she is 18 when I Rule 34 that shit, knowwhati'msayin' ;P)  
"Do you know where Tidus went?" Sherlock asked.  
"Stay silent", I said. Everyone did, and in the distance we could hear a "HAW HAW HAW... HAW! HAW HAW HAW!"  
"That was", I said and we followed the sound.  
Tidus was standing beneath Big Ben.  
"Haw haw! So you have found me!" Shouted Tidus.  
"The jig is up", said Zack. "Tell us where your headquarters are and maybe we will let you live.  
"Defeat me and maybe I will tell you what you want to know", said Tidus. He walked into Big Ben, which then lit on fire.  
"Let's go!" said Zack, and we all ran into the burning clocktower.  
My wife May sent out her Mudkip who managed to put out some of the flames while we fought Tidus in the scaffolding as the tower burned around us, but May's Blaziken fighting along side counteracted the Mudkip a bit. I fought alongside Zack with my sword as we fought Tidus blade to blade while Lando shot from a distance alongside Blaziken. Then Tidus knocked Zack down and, in my distraction, was about to stab me to death, but then a Keyblade came and bounced his sword away. I looked to wear the Keyblade came from and saw Roxas give me a thumbs up and a smile.  
"Fine", said Tidus as he watched his sword fall to the flames below. "Put away your sword and let's settle this hand to hand."  
"Very well", I said, sheathing Aquamarine Nightmare. We both raised our fists and threw punches at each other. He tried tackling me, but I dodged and pushed him onto a lower scaffold. I lept down, preparing to slam him with my fists, but then he uppercutted me and sent me flying. When I looked up was sauntering to me, laughing as he came. I swept him off his feet and jumped onto mine.  
"Now talk", I said.  
"HAW HAW HAW HAW!" said Tidus, and he rolled off the scaffolding and was swallowed by the flames.  
"No! Fuck!" I said, and then we left Big Ben just as it finally collapsed in the flame.  
"Shit!" yelled Zack.  
"Fucking shit!" yelled Lando.  
"Son of a fuck!" said Professor Layton. "You guys lost our only lead on the Skinwalkers!"  
"Oh no", thought Luke. "It sounds like the Professor will not be kind to me tonight..."  
"Not now, Luke!" said Professor Layton. "Well, we'll have to figure something out."  
"Mudkip!" said May's Mudkip.  
"What is it, Mudkip?" asked May.  
"Mudkip!" said Mudkip, and it handed May a note.  
"Guys, you might want to see this", said May and everyone read the note which said "Dear Tidus, distract whatever heroes start to get on our tail, but whatever you do, do not let them know that our Headquarters are in Los Angeles. -GL"  
"To Los Angeles!" shouted Professor Layton.  
We all got onto a plane and went to Los Angeles. It was a pretty good plane, and a pretty good flight. I talked to Zack and he told me more about the Spongecum incident.  
"Maybe someday I can visit the Wellspring of Captain Falcon and pay my respects!"  
"Hey Chris, do you want to go to the bathroom?" asked May.  
"Yes May, I would like to go to the bathroom", I said and we went to the bathroom and we got naked and she sucked on my wanger and it was really hot and I put my cock in her cooter and thrusted a whole bunch and we moaned and it was really hot because her cool hair was really hot and also she had a nice figure and her boobies felt good in my sweaty hands and we both had satisfying orgasms but then there was a knocking at the door.  
"Hey, what's going on in there?" said a deep voice. "I gotta shit!"  
"Sorry", I said and then we got dressed and sat down again and then the guy from the bathroom took his seat again and looked at my row.  
(Cole, dis is u) "I'm Cool Satano. What are your names?"  
"I'm Chris, this is May, that's Zack, there's Lando, that's Professor Layton, there's Luke, and that's Roxas."  
"Hi everyone", said Cool Satano. "What will all of you be doing in Los Angeles?"  
"Taking down those dirty fucking Skinwalker cunts", said Roxas. "What will you be doing?"  
"I'll be meeting my friend, J.J. Abrams on the set of Star Wars Episode VIII. Maybe I can get him to let you have a tour of the set!"  
"That would be cool", I said, so when we landed in Los Angeles we got a tour from JJ Abrams.  
"Why the fuck aren't I in the Star Wars?" Lando asked JJ Abrams.  
"Because you lost the fucking Milennium Falcon!" said JJ Abrams and we started the tour.  
Los Angeles was even hotter than the sex I have with May from Pokemon every night, and actors were preparing their scenes. Because Leonard Nimoy was dead, the role of Spock was taken over by Sunplation Bruce Willis Tom Hanks Bela (Sebastian, dis is u) for the new Star Wars movie.  
"Sunplation!" said Cool and he went in to give Sunplation a handshake.  
"Cool Satano! Fancy seeing you here! What brings you around these parts."  
"I came to visit my friend JJ Abrams and also these people are trying to find the Skinwalkers."  
"Skinwalkers, huh?" Sunplation eyed JJ Abrams suspiciously. "Keep an eye on him. Something has seemed off about him the past few days."  
"Okay", everyone said and we finished the tour and JJ Abrams waved us goodbye. Sunplation agreed to meet us all later to discuss his findings.  
We went to a bar that was a very roughneck sort of place with people that were fighting and Adventure Time's Finn and Jake were getting a lapdance from the old ladies from Spirited Away and Korra was the bartender.  
"How can I help you guys", said Korra.  
"What can you tell us about the Skinwalkers?" I asked.  
Korra sighed. "So its gotten out then, huh? What do I know about them... well, months ago me and my friends were a special squad designated to nip the Skinwalker problem in the bud. We were hoping that after the Spongecum incident their activity would go down, but it only got worse. We found one of their bases and managed to take most of the Skinwalkers out there, but then their leader showed up and killed everyone singlehandedly. Asami, Mako, Bolin, all dead..." she gave far away look. "All dead."  
"You can join us if you want", said Zack. We are well prepared to fight and are on their tail."  
"I would love to!" said Korra and she joined the party.  
"I heard you guys were talking about Skinwalkers", said Filthy Frank as he took a seat next to us.  
"Yes those motherfuckers killed my best friend Cloud Strife", said Zack.  
"I have a whole gallery of Skinwalker heads in my gallery from the ones that I killed", said Filthy Frank. "I think I would be a good asset!" so Filthy Frank joined the party. Then Sunplation showed up.  
"Okay guys, so I think J.J. Abrams is a Skinwalker", said Sunplation.  
"Oh shit", said Cool Satano, so they all went back to the lot where Star Wars was being shot, but it was empty except for the janitor, Dat Boi, who was sweeping the floor from atop his unicycle.  
"Oh shit whaddup", said Dat Boi.  
"We're here for JJ Abrams", said Professor Layton. "We know he is a Skinwalker."  
"Look dude I have known JJ Abrams for a while and I know for a fact that he is not a Skinwalker", said Dat Boi.  
"But we know he is a Skinwalker!"  
"Shit", said Dat Boi. Then Dat Boi shot his tongue at Professor Layton and pulled his dick off.  
"Shit!" said Layton as he crumpled to the floor, clutching his hands where his junk used to be.  
"Professor!" shouted Luke. Lando shot Dat Boi in the face and Luke ran to Professor Layton's side.  
"Luke", said Professor Layton. "Come closer."  
"What is it?" Luke asked as he put his ear close to the Professor's mouth.  
"Cunt", Professor Layton whispered before snapping Luke's neck and dying. He only managed to snap Luke's neck halfway, though, so he was only paralyzed. Filthy Frank carried Luke away from dead Layton, but then the skin melted off of Professor Layton and there was a skeleton that was walking and talking now.  
"Finally", said the skeleton. "I was so tired of being a cunt."  
"Who are you?" asked Roxas.  
"I'm Sans", said Sans. "Sans the Skeleton."  
"Oh shit, we OP as fuck now, bois", said Filthy Frank. Then we looked around to find any clue of where JJ Abrams was and then Lando bumped into a figure in a cloak. "Sorry man."  
"Lando?" the figure removed its hood revealing that it was Ringo Starr.  
"Ringo Starr!" said Lando, giving him a hug. "Long time no see! How have you been?"  
"I've been incognito, looking for the headquarters for the Skinwalkers."  
"You know about them too?" said Zack.  
"Yes", nodded Ringo Starr. "In fact, their base is right... beneath... our... feet." He bent over and pressed a button and a staircase opened up to underground.  
"Let's go", said Zack. He led the way down the tunnel. I held May's hand on the way down and we all found ourselves in a large room filled with homeless people that were wearing the skins of other people and they were huddled around bucket fires because it was actually really cold in that room.  
"So you've figured it out", said JJ Abrams. "You've uncovered my operation."  
"I've found you, JJ, and I'm going to kill you", said Zack. "For Cloud."  
"Didn't you already take your revenge out on Sephiroth, the person who actually killed Cloud? I think you're just going to kill me because you want to. That's not very honorable, Zacky-bitch."  
"That's not true!" yelled Zack, and he charged at JJ Abrams, who actually teleported out of the way.  
"You don't even know who you're dealing with!" JJ Abrams grabbed his own chin and pulled his face over his head like a hood, revealling that he was... George Lucas!  
"Oh shit!" said Filthy Frank. "We are fucked!"  
"Correct", said George Lucas.  
"But why?" asked Cool Satano.  
"I didn't like the way JJ handled the new Star Wars, so I killed him, took his flesh, and now I am in charge of the new Star Wars movies again!"  
"I trusted you!" Lando screamed.  
"Too bad!" George Lucas raised his hands toward Lando and Lando started floating in the air and screamed and his eyes rolled into his head and then he was silent and his skin flew from his body and onto the back of the only homeless person that did not have a Skincoat in the room.  
"There are so many useless people in this world", said George Lucas. "So much good flesh that is not put to use properly. You see, what I am doing is right. I'm taking skin from the undeserving and giving it to the people that really need it!"  
"That's insane!" cried Luke, still in the arms of Filthy Frank.  
"And what good is that skin on your back?" George Lucas raised a hand towards Luke, who started to grunt in pain.  
"YOU'RE NOT TOUCHING HIM!" screamed Zack and he charged at George Lucas again, but George Lucas wasn't expecting it and he lost the hand that was raised.  
"Ow!" said George Lucas. "People of the Skin! I have helped you, and now you must help me! Destroy these fiends!" The homeless people could not do much to help, however, so there was no help on that end.  
"Don't worry, boss", said Shadow the Hedgehog as he came in from a corridor behind them. "I can handle it. Get the fuck out of here!"  
"Thank you, Shadow", said George Lucas, and he retreated it.  
"Alright, you shitpiles, prepare to witness TRUE POWER!"  
Shadow the hedgehog was running around fast and being very good fighting, but they managed to defeat him.  
"Nnngh", said Shadow. "You're pretty good. Too bad that Revolver Ocelot has already taken George Lucas to the secret hideout. And soon our God shall enter this world, and when he does this whole area will fry, with you in it!"  
"Who is your God", asked Zack.  
"He is called... the Beast", said Shadow.  
"From Over the Garden Wall?" I asked.  
"Yes", said shadow, and then he disappeared!  
"Where did he go?" asked Roxas.  
"It doesn't matter", said Zack. "We have to stop the Beast from entering our world!" So they ran down the hall and found a great glowing light. In the light there was a dark figure, slowly growing bigger, coming closer, laughing.  
"How do we stop it?" said Roxas.  
"Step aside", came a deep voice from behind them. They turned around and it was Harambe! "The Beast is an old nemesis of mine", said Harambe the Gorilla. "I see now that it is my duty to hold this doorway closed for as long as I possibly can."  
"But it will open at some point", said Zack.  
"Yes, that is correct", said Harambe. "And when that happens, you guys will have to be there to stop him. But if I don't close this now, none of us will be able to fight the Beast when he comes."  
"Thank you for your sacrifice, Harambe", said May.  
"You are welcome", said Harambe. We all made our way for the exit.  
"Catch you on the flipside!" Zack shouted.  
"Dicks out, my niggas", said Harambe, and he held the door shut as we made our way out.  
It was a peaceful day months later; Los Angeles was now an empty ghost town and every nation had amassed an army to deal with the Beast when he came, but as I sat with a now pregnant May in a field while we were having a picnic, I had the feeling that everything would be okay.

FIN


	3. WINTER LEAVES III PT 1

WINTER LEAVES LIKE A SON IN A PARADE III:  
THE EMPEROR AWAKENS IN CUCKOLD'S HORNS  
Written by Christopher Rangel  
PART 1: PRELUDE

Zack, Roxas, Sherlock, and Watson were in charge of watching the border of Los Angeles for the Beast's arrival. Zack was driving and he had the Buster Sword between his back and the chair so it was mildly uncomfortable but he had to keep it on his back because that was where it belonged. Zack was focussed on driving to the 10:30 position while Roxas and Sherlock was focussed on the passing scenery outside the window and Watson was still focussed on the Buster Sword because he still had PTSD.  
"So, how are you guys hanging in?" asked Zack.  
"We are good", said Sherlock and Roxas but Watson was silent.  
"Everything alright Watson?" asked Zack.  
"Yeah I'm fine don't worry about me", said Watson.  
"Okay", said Zack, and he kept driving.  
"Actually, you know what, everything is not fine", said Watson. "Stop the car."  
"But we're almost there", said Zack.  
"I said stop the fucking car, slut!" said Watson.  
"Alright, jeez", said Zack and he stopped the car. "What do you need, pal?"  
Watson pulled out a pistol, pointed it at Zack, and said "Get out of the car."  
"Why?" asked Zack.  
"Just get out of the FUCKING car!" yelled Watson.  
"John, what are you doing?" asked Sherlock. Watson ignored him.  
"Alright", said Zack with a shrug. He and Watson got out of the car at the same time. Watson kept his gun pointed at Zack, who just stood there with his muscular arms folded over his SOLDIER 1ST CLASS uniform. "What is it, John?"  
"That's FUCKING Watson to you, BITCH!" said Watson.  
"Okay, okay", said Zack. "Fucking Watson."  
"I have the gun here! Don't mock me!"  
"I've got a Buster Sword. Your point?"  
"Yes, you have a Buster Sword", said Watson, laughing. "That's it. I saw that same FUCKING sword in Iraq and it was used to cut up an entire platoon in Iraq! You killed so many people!"  
"Iraq?" said Zack. "I haven't been to Iraq. You must have me confused with Sephiroth while he was wearing Cloud's skin."  
"Guys", said Sherlock. "Settle down. We don't need to fight like this." and then all of a sudden Tommy Wiseau was there.  
"Hey, u gaiz no y no 1 at Howywod no more?" said Tommy Wiseau.  
"Because an evil god is going to emerge from it soon", said Roxas.  
"Oh, okay. Bai", said Tommy Wiseau, and he left (Foreshadowing?).  
"Look John, I don't want to fight you", said Zack.  
"Hear that, John, he doesn't want to fight you", said Sherlock. But then Loki showed up and waved his sceptre at Zack.  
"Actually", said Zack, "I do want to fight you, John." Zack drew his sword and Loki looked very amused.  
"Loki", hissed Sherlock. "Knock it off right now or my associate will have to handle you", and Roxas cracked his knuckles ready for a fight of his own.  
"I can handle Roxas", said Loki. "I am a god after all."  
"You're on the wrong side", said Roxas. "We could use you to fight the Beast. He is also a God."  
"Oh, I know the Beast very well, actually! He has me over to his dimension for tea and BUTTFUCKING every Tuesday afternoon."  
"No..." said Sherlock. "But that means..."  
"Yes", said Loki. "That's two gods against you in this war."  
"John Cena's mother's grandmother's cunt", said Sherlock. "We've been had!"  
"Yes", said Loki. "Now let's sit back and enjoy the fight!"  
"Oh shit", said Watson, and he started running backwards as fast as he could while shooting his gun at Zack who kept blocking with the Buster Sword. Then Zack charged at Watson sword first and Watson started to run full throttle away, but just before Watsonn wass impaled Sherlock jumped in the way.  
"No!" said Watson.  
"What have I done", said Zack as he fell to his knees in shame.  
"You put on a jolly good show", said Loki. "How are you feeling, Sherlock?"  
Sherlock was pinned to the ground by having the Buster Sword in his chest. He flipped off Loki, who laughed.  
"Well, this has been fun", said Loki, "But I think Donald Trump is going to rape Captain America again, and I want to be there to watch", and Loki disappeared.  
"Bastard", said Sherlock. He looked up at Watson, who was bent over him. "Forgive... Zack."  
"I'm sorry, but I can't", said Watson, and then Sherlock groaned and died. Watson looked at Zack, his eyes full of tears, and then he ran away.  
"John, wait!" said Roxas.  
"No, let him go", said Zack. "Forgive me, Angeal, I have let you down. My dreams and my honor... they are gone now." and then the ghosts of Angeal and Cloud showed up.  
"We are still with you", said Angeal.  
"Yeah", said Cloud. "We are still with you." And then the two ghosts raised up their Buster Swords and then Zack slid his sword out of Sherlock's rotting carcass and pointed it next to the two spectral Buster Swords and they were like the Three Musketears (Get it, because they are sad people?) And then the ghosts disappeared and Zack sheathed his Buster Sword, but he was still sad.  
"Don't worry too much", said Roxas. "I too had to kill one of my best friends once. If you need help I am there for you."  
"Thanks man", said Zack. "Well, I guess we should make sure John is doing alright." So they followed the direction that Watson went which was towards Los Angeles but it was weird because they were actually following a really long trail of dead bodies. At the end of the trail he found Watson standing by a wooden cross, and on the cross was TOMMY WISEAU.  
"Oh hi gaiz", said Tommy Wiseau.  
"Oh, hey everyone", said Watson as he hammered another nail into Tommy Wiseau's leg.  
"OW IT HARTS!" said Tommy Wiseau.  
"Good", said Watson. He dug a really long and sharp splinter under one of Tommy Wiseau's fingernails.  
"John!" said Zack, grabbing Watson by the shoulder. "What the hell are you doing?!"  
"You heard Loki", said Watson. "They have at least two gods on their sides, while we have none. Therefore I'm creating a god to be on our side." He stuck a couple more nails into Tommy Wiseau's arms.  
"Oh", said Zack and Roxas. Then they helped Watson crucify Tommy Wiseau. At the end Watson hammered two nails into Tommy Wiseau's eyes in a way that they wouldn't pierce his brain and then while he was still screaming in agony they let the cross on fire, stepped back, and enjoyed the flames while Tommy Wiseau screamed "THIS IS TEARING ME APART!" and then there was a brilliant white light and as the cross exploded Tommy Wiseau appeared before them but stronger and golden.  
"Oh hai", said Tommy Wiseau. "I am Supersaiyan God Wiseau."

Meanwhile

Filthy Frank carried Luke to the Fountain of Captain Falcon.  
"You need a new baptism", said Filthy Frank. "In this new crippled form, you can use all the help you can get. Now, I'm not sure how much this will do to help you, but it is worth a shot."  
Luke nodded. He looked up at Filthy Frank. "You're not really Filthy Frank, are you", asked Luke.  
Filthy Frank adjusted his sunglasses sadly. "No", he said. "I am not."  
They arrived at the Fountain of Captain Falcon, which was now a huge tourist attraction. They bumped into Captain Falcon from the book Middle Passage who was actually a midget that was a slave trader that liked raping Cabin Boys. Captain Falcon was disappointed that the Fountain of Captain Falcon was not actually dedicated to him. Filthy Frank and Luke carried on.  
"Man, you're pretty heavy boi", said Filthy Frank.  
Luke laughed. "No I'm not, you're just a wimp."  
"Ha ha, yeah", said Filthy Frank. "Ya got me there, boi."  
"Hodor!" came a voice from the crowd. A giant man named Hodor made their way towards them and said "Hodor!"  
"I think he's trying to say something", said Luke.  
"Hodor", said Hodor.  
"What my friend is trying to say", said Jon Snow, who stepped out from behind Hodor, "is that if you need help carrying the boy, he is actually a currently unemployed as a professional crippled child carrier."  
"Oh, sweet", said Filthy Frank as he handed Luke to Hodor.  
"Hello", said Luke.  
"Hodor", said Hodor.  
"He used to carry around my crippled relative, Bran, until the Skinwalkers stole Bran's skin." a tear fell from Jon Snow's eye.  
"Fucking Skinwalkers", said Filthy Frank. "Gotta kill 'em all, that's what I say."  
"Yes, I agree", said Jon Snow. He extended a hand. "My name is Jon Snow."  
"Sir Francis of the Filth", said Filthy Frank, and they shook hands.  
"Pleasure to meet you", said Jon Snow, and the group moved closer to the Fountain of Captain Falcon. Just then there were a whole lot of screams and people stepped away, but Filthy Frank, Jon Snow, and Hodor stepped forward. A hand had reached up from the water and was pulling a body out of the water. It was Captain Falcon! (The Nintendo one) But he looked different. His gloves were black, he had long silver hair flowing from under his helmet, and he wielded a long sword. It was Masamune! He drew Masamune and slashed the entire front row in half.  
"Captain Falcon, why?!" shouted some people in the crowd.  
"You cancerous fags", said the entity. "I am not Captain Falcon. I am Captain Sephiroth!"  
And then everyone fled because he was obviously a homophobe because only homophobes and British people that liek to smoke say fag.  
"Let's get out of here", said Jon Snow, and they got out of there.

Meanwhile

Sans, now once more a skeleton and not a cunt named Professor Layton, returned to his and Papyrus's house. He knocked on the door.  
"Hey bro, I'm home", said Sans. The door opened, but it wasn't Papyrus that answered. It was Jack Skellington.  
"Uh, hey Jack", said Sans. "What are you doing here?"  
"I was worried you'd miss him", said Jack. "Come inside."  
"What do you mean miss him?" asked Sans. They walked in silence to Papyrus's bedroom.  
"Hey bro", said Sans as he entered his bedroom. "Is everything okay?" He saw Papyrus lying in bed, looking very sickly. "Oh jeez." He ran to his brother's side. Papyrus turned his head slightly towards Sans. "Papyrus, speak to me!"  
"Bro", said Papyrus, smiling weakly. "I'm glad... you came." Papyrus coughed.  
"What happened to you, bro?" asked Sans. "Is, uh, is someone gonna have a bad time? Heh heh".  
"I was poisoned", said Papyrus.  
"No. No no no, this can't be", said Sans, a blue glow appearing in his left eye. "Tell me who did this to you."  
"His name..." said Papyrus. "Is... Xehanort."  
"Xehanort, huh?" said Sans. "Don't worry, bro. I'll give him what's coming to him."  
"Thanks, bro", said Papyrus. "Hey, do you think... I could have one last plate of spaghetti?"  
"Sure", said Sans, the blue glow disappearing from his eyes. "Can you walk me through it?"  
"Sure", said Papyrus, and we directed Sans in how to prepare the spaghetti.  
"Here ya go, bro", said Sans, and he gave Papyrus the plate of spaghetti. Papyrus took a bite of the spaghetti.  
"Not bad", said Papyrus. "Of course, not as good as the spaghetti made by the master spagghetore himself, I, the Great Pa..." Papyrus's lower jaw fell stiff.  
"He's gone", whimpered Jack Skellington. Papyrus turned to dust in Sans's hands.  
Sans clenched his fist, and his left eye glowed a furious blue.  
"XEHANOOOOORT!"

Meanwhile

Harambe was doing his best to keep the door sealed, but he was beginning to feel tired. He heard footsteps from behind him. "Who's there?"  
"Oh, just an old friend of the darkness", said the voice.  
"Xehanort", grunted Harambe.  
"Ha ha", laughed Master Xehanort. He walked closer. "Why are you still here, ape?"  
"To keep the beast out of this world", said Harambe.  
"But you kept the door closed to save your friends", said Xehanort. "They are out of harm's way now. You can just let go now."  
"Never", said Harambe. He knew he couldn't hold it much longer.  
"You are just prolonging the inevitable now", said Xehanort. "If they're not ready to face him yet, they never will be." Harambe grunted. "You've played your part well, ape, but now you are just in the way." Xehanort drew his black, goat's head Keyblade. "Allow me to help you get out of the way."

Meanwhile

I was fucking pregnant May.  
"Oh yeah", screamed May. "Your dick feels so good against the baby. Oh... oh... oh no, my water broke!" So we quickly got dressed and I drove us to the hospital where they delivered our baby.  
"He is beautiful", said May. "What do you want to call him?"  
"I love Coheed and Cambria, so let's call him Claudio-Sanchez Rangel."  
"Claudio-Sanchez Rangel", repeated May. We both kissed the baby and I gave May a hug. It was at that moment that I realized that my dick was out.  
"Oh jeez", I said, and I tried putting my dick back in, but no matter what I did it stayed out. Then a single word slid from my mouth.  
"Harambe."

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. WINTER LEAVES III PT 2

WINTER LEAVES LIKE A SON IN A PARADE III:  
THE EMPEROR AWAKENS IN CUCKOLD'S HORNS  
Written by Christopher Rangel  
PART II: THE GREAT WAR

The war came. The Beast rose from the crater that was once Los Angeles, while Roxas, Zack, Watson, and God Supersaiyan Wiseau looked towards it.  
"Finally", said the Beast. "A new world to consume." Then all of the armies of the world came and surrounded it. They all had their guns pointed at it but it just laughed, then it waved its hands and portals of darkness opened up and hordes of Skinwalkers emerged and leapt onto the soldiers. They tried to shoot at the Skinwalkers, but the Skinwalkers had galvanized their stolen skin so that it was impervious to bullets. The soldiers screamed as the Skinwalkers tore the flesh from their bones.  
To either side of the Beast stood Master Xehanort and George Lucas.  
"Excellent work, my friends", said the Beast. "Everything has been orchestrated just as we planned."  
Xehanort laughed and George Lucas took in the carnage around them with a smirk.  
"Shit, there are so many", said Roxas. Zack shrugged and said "Eh, I've seen worse."  
"We must retreat", said God Wiseau.  
"Wait, what? Now?" said Watson.  
"Actually, he's right Watson", said Roxas. "We were just the patrol. You see how they are tearing up the entire army of the world. We have to..."  
"That's stupid!" Yelled Zack. "We have to help them!" and he charged into the battle, his Buster Sword raised high.  
"Shit, Zack!" shouted Tommy Wiseau. But then there was a sound that sounded like "Wr...wr...wr..." and the TARDIS materialized before them. The Doctor (played by Peter Capaldi) poked his head out.  
"Hello", said the Doctor. "I believe I have some of your friends!" And then I stepped out of the TARDIS, along with May, Sans, Jack Skellington, Korra, and Ringo Starr.  
"We have come to help", I said.  
"Come on guys, what are you waiting for?!" shouted Zack, and we all charged into battle.  
The Skinwalkers were different now, less human. Their stolen skins were rotten, but sealed to their body by some magical force. Their faces were more primal, with vicious teeth, and where their eyes should have been there were only dark holes. I fought them as well as I could with my sword, Aquamarine Nightmare, but there were a whole lot of them, and it took a good amount of strength to slay each one. May had her sword, Vermilious, drawn as well, and she fought alongside her Blaziken and her Mudkip.  
I parried a several blows from the Skinwalkers and found myself fighting back to back with Zack.  
"We've got this", said Zack. "This is how true heroes are made! We can't back down!"  
"Right!" I said, and together we worked in a circle, carving away at the Skinwalker forces in that area. Then we were clear and rain to help the soldiers of the world. In front of me I saw a soldier about to be skewered by a Skinwalker, but then it was beheaded by Roxas's Keyblade. When the Keyblade returned to Roxas, a second, darker Keyblade appeared in his other hand. He had Oathkeeper and Oblivion now.  
Xehanort's eye saw that, and with a scowl, he made his way towards the other Keyblade wielder.  
"A Keyblade", said Xehanort. "Very impressive. You look like a former pupil of mine!"  
"I know who you are", said Roxas. "I worked for your Nobody. Xemnas."  
"Ha! So you did, then, a member of the Organization." Xehanort drew his Keyblade. "You are nothing more than the subordinate of a subordinate. You do not stand a chance against me!"  
"I am nobody's subordinate!" shouted Roxas and he charged at Master Xehanort, but just as he struck with both Keyblades Xehanort jumped out of the way, laughing, and blasted him with a bolt of Dark Firaga, sending him flying backwards. Roxas jumped back to his feet.  
"I won't lose to you!" and he charged again.  
Meanwhile, Korra was bending all four elements to her will to take out the Skinwalkers, the taste of revenge sweet on her lips. But then Shadow the Hedgehog appeared in front of her and said "You're pretty good, but you are not the Ultimate Lifeform. CHAOS CONTROL!" and stopped time around Korra. Shadow nodded in satisfaction, and turned away only to find his face full of shotgun shells from Ringo Starr's shotgun.  
"Peace and love, motherfucker", he said. Korra was released from the Chaos Control and fell to the ground. Ringo Starr helped her up.  
"Thanks, Ringo", said Korra.  
"Anytime, love", Ringo said with a wink. Korra blushed, then pulled herself together and focused on the fight once more.  
And so it was, just as Roger Waters of Pink Floyd had once sung: " Brezhnev took Afghanistan. Begin took Beirut. Galtieri took the Union Jack. And Maggie, over lunch one day, Took a cruiser with all hands. Apparently, to make him give it back."  
The war spread across the entire world, as the resistance fought back against the invading Skinwalkers, and the other demons the Beast had brought from its world.  
Filthy Frank, Jon Snow, Hodor, and Luke had made it to Jon Snow's Cadillac and they were driving full speed away, making sure to avoid the Skinwalkers. But then Jon Snow looked in the rear view mirror and saw Captain Sephiroth flying straight towards them. "Fuck", said Jon Snow. He tried shaking him, but Captain Sephiroth kept making up distance. But just when All seemed lost Jon's Direwolf Ghost jumped out of nowhere and tackled Captain Sephiroth.  
"Yeah, Ghost!" cheered Jon Snow as he saw the attack happen. Ghost tore away at Captain Sephiroth, but then Captain Sephiroth managed to throw him off and casted Heartless Angel on Ghost, crippling him, and Sephiroth continued his pursuit.  
"I have to go back for him!" shouted Jon Snow.  
"You can't!" yelled Filthy Frank. "He sacrificed himself like that so that we could get a little more time for our get away."  
"Dammit Frank, you're right", said Jon Snow, and he continued on. A portal opened up in front of them and they drove right into it, and were teleported above the battle. They screamed as they careened right into the middle of the fray. In fact, George Lucas had me pinned down and was just about to rip the skin from my body, but then he looked up at the last second and said "Jar-Jar Binks" just as Jon Snow's car smashed right into him, reducing him to a pile of mushy gore. Jon Snow, Filthy Frank, and Hodor stepped out of the car; they locked the door so no one would be able to get at Luke.  
"Jon Snow!" I shouted  
"Christopher Rangel! Fancy seeing you here."  
"Same to you", I said. "We can catch up later", I said. "Now, we fight."  
Two random soldiers removed their helmets, deciding they did not actually need them. The two soldiers were Connor Macleod and Captain Jack Harkness.  
"You have my back?" asked Macleod.  
"Of course", said Harkness. "We immortals have to stick together!"  
"Heh", said Macleod. "Very good."  
"Macleod!" shouted a deep, Clancy Brown voice. It was the Kurgan!  
"Kurgan", said Macleod, holding his sword at the ready. Queen's Princes of the Universe started playing in the background.  
"Another time, Macleod. It would appear that we are on the same side for this fight. It is as the legendary soldier The Boss once said, There is no such thing as an absolute timeless enemy. We are soldiers, and the times decide whether we will be enemies. Today, we are comrades in arms."  
Macleod nodded. "Very well."  
"Now let's see if these pussies can hold a match to us", he said with a smile and he did an obscene gesture with his tongue, then chopped a Skinwalker in half vertically.  
In the center of it all the Beast just stood there, laughing maniacally. His place was like the eye of the storm, except I was there with him.  
"So that's what you look like", I said. His skin seemed to be carved from the skin of a million young children, enshrouded in a dark energy.  
"Yes", said the Beast. "Of course you're not one to talk."  
"Heh", I said.  
"Do you really think you can fight a God of Darkness such as I?"  
"Do not worry, Chris", said God Wiseau. "You are not alone."  
"Ha! This is your God! Very well, let's fight. This should be amusing."  
So I charged forward and stabbed right through the Beast's chest, but it seemed to do nothing as I pulled it out and not a single wound was drawn. The Beast laughed.  
"Of course you cannot hurt him", said God Wiseau. "He is a God. He is immortal." God Wiseau snapped his fingers. "And now he is not."  
"You bastard!" bellowed the Beast. He shot a beam of pure darkness at God Wiseau, which sent him flying backwards and nearly dead.  
"God is dead!" shouted a few panicked soldiers.  
"I can... still do one thing..." said God Wiseau. He snapped his fingers and Jon Snow's car exploded as Luke transformed into Macho Man Randy Savage, emitting an "OH YEAH!" that echoed throughout the battlefield. God Wiseau gave one last smile as he passed away.  
The tide of battle had turned, and the Army of the World was overtaking the Skinwalker Horde.  
"Beast! Is it time?!" shouted Master Xehanort as he parried a blow from Roxas.  
"Do it", said the Beast. Xehanort pushed Roxas backwards with a powerful gust of Aeroga, then he raised his arms into the air and pools of darkness gathered around him, from which emerged legions upon legions of Pureblood Heartless, including about twenty Darksides.  
"Dammit!" yelled Roxas, and he charged at the wall of Heartless that surrounded Xehanort, but before he could even reach the heartless, Ansem, his Guardian on his back, and Xemnas appeared before him.  
"And where do you think you're going, number XIII?" asked Xemnas.  
"Right through you!" shouted Roxas, and he charged them, but then Ansem's guardian punched him hard, sending him twenty feet back, bracing himself on his heels. Ansem laughed. "This puny weakling thinks he can make it through us alone?"  
"He's not alone", came a familiar voice. Roxas turned around and saw his friends standing behind him.  
"Axel! Xion!" he cried, with tears in his eyes. "But you... you guys were..."  
"Yeah, we croaked", said Axel. "But the thing is, you needed us. You needed help when the odds were against you, and so we emerged... from your heart."  
"My... heart?" said Roxas.  
"Yeah, I said your heart", said Axel. "Got it memorized."  
"Hey, Roxas", said Xion. "Once this is done, let's get some ice cream."  
"You guys", said Roxas, tears in his eyes.  
"Do not listen to them", said Xemnas. "You have no heart, slave."  
"Hey, big man", said Axel. "We've got a bone to pick with you!" and the three of them charged at Ansem and Xemnas. The three Keyblades of Roxas and Xion pierced right through Ansem's Guardian and destroyed Ansem himself. Then Xemnas drew his two lightsabers and held off the combined attacks of the trio. They struck ferociously, but Xemnas was fast with his blades and fended them off. When they all struck as one he created a forcefield of energy between him and them, but they managed to break through it and tear his nonexistence to shreds.  
By now the Heartless had dispersed across the battlefield, and Master Xehanort looked at Roxas, Axel, and Xion with an amused smile. He held up his Keyblade.  
"Don't hold back", said Xehanort. "Give me... a good fight." and they all ran towards him but he brought up the Earth, creating a tower of stone beneath his feet, sprawled with Heartless. The three ran up the tower, slashing the Heartless away with each step, and confronted Xehanort at the top. He was in his Keyblade Armor now, and beckoned for them to come. They all jumped at him, but with one slash he knocked them all back, and none of them could get back up.  
"What's happening?" asked Roxas.  
"You're not familiar with Stunraga, I see", said Xehanort, removing the faceplate from his armor. He looked at Roxas. "I want you to watch this."  
Xehanort walked to Xion. "Stay strong, Roxas", Xion said as Xehanort stabbed her with his Keyblade. She disappeared.  
"You made a grave error", Xehanort said as he approached Axel.  
"Don't give up, buddy", said Axel. "Got it memorized?"  
Xehanort killed Axel, then continued. "Deciding to fight me like this." He stood before Roxas. "And now you reap exactly what you sow."  
"Hiya", said Sans from the edge of the precipice.  
"Greetings", said Xehanort. "I don't believe we've met."  
"You don't know me, but I know you", said Sans. His left eye glowed blue. "Dirty brother killer!" Sans raised his arms and summoned three Gaster Blasters, which sent devastating beams towards Master Xehanort, but he dodged them all.  
"Finally", said Xehanort. "A challenge." He lunged at Sans, who just stood still. Until he teleported out of the way.  
"Where are you?!" yelled Xehanort. Xehanort screamed as his chest was blasted out by a great blue beam.  
"Sorry, pal", said Sans. "I just thought your back might have been itchy, what with all those sins crawling on it." Xehanort crumpled to the ground. Sans walked over to Roxas and helped him back to his feet.  
"Come one, kid", said Sans. "We've still got a battle to fight."  
"Right", said Roxas. He held his hand to his chest, noticing his heartbeat for the first time. "I'm not giving up."  
Back down below, Revolver Ocelot had entered the fray in Metal Gear Rex, and Loki was standing on the shoulder of the Metal Gear.  
"Isn't this fun?" said Loki.  
"This isn't fun", said Ocelot. "This is war." The Metal Gear marched forward, crushing every soldier in its path, while decimating the Army of the World with its railgun.  
"Hey you!" shouted Watson. "Down here!" The Metal Gear looked down and Ocelot laughed.  
"Really?! That's a cute pistol you have there. You're pretty good!" he raised Metal Gear's foot to crush Watson, who prepared for a painful death.  
"Wait a second", said Loki, a moment before Watson was crushed.  
"What the hell does that mean?" asked Ocelot. Watson took this time to scurry out from the shadow of the Metal Gear. Loki opened up Metal Gear's cockpit.  
"Hey, what are you doing?! Loki!" Loki picked up Revolver Ocelot and threw him out of the cockpit.  
"Seriously, though", asked Loki. What were you hoping to do?"  
"Well, I was, ah... hoping to survive... being a distraction."  
"Hi", said Zack from behind Loki.  
"Oh..." said Loki. "dear. I believe we've had a bit of a misunderstanding."  
"Leave", said Zack.  
"Right." Loki disappeared.  
"Hey, what are you waiting for?" Zack asked Watson. "Get in!"  
"I don't know how to pilot... that!" said Watson.  
"It can't be that hard", said Zack. "And it will do a bit more damage than that peashooter you have there."  
"Fine", said Watson, and he climbed into the cockpit. He was fine, because a lot of the controls reminded him of a tank, and Zack ran off to battle more of the Skinwalkers.  
"Hey, watch out!" yelled Filthy Frank.  
"What?" said Zack. He turned around to see Captain Sephiroth behead Filthy Frank.  
"No!" shouted Zack. Watson was right behind Captain Sephiroth, about to step on him with Metal Gear, but then Captain Sephiroth yawned and slashed Masamune behind him, causing Metal Gear Rex to explode.  
"You bastard!" shouted Zack. He fought Captain Sephiroth sword to sword, but they were evenly matched.  
"We could fight like this forever", said Captain Sephiroth.  
"If that's how it has to be, so be it", said Zack. "You may be the amalgamation of two heroes, corrupted by darkness, but I think this one hero is enough to outbest you anyways."  
"Heh", said Captain Sephiroth. "You always had such spirit. I can see what Angeal saw in you." And they continued fighting sword to sword, but then Zack saw that Watson had crawled from the wreck of the Metal Gear and was pointing out his gun.  
"John, don't!" yelled Zack, but it was too late. A bullet emerged from Captain Sephiroth's forehead. Zack held Captain Sephiroth as he collapsed. "No, this isn't how it was supposed to be!" said Zack. "There was no honor to this defeat!" He laid down the corpse, and all traces of Sephiroth disappeared, leaving only Captain Falcon.  
"Thank you", said Captain Falcon as he died for the final time.  
"You've lost", I told the Beast as I looked around. "This battle has been won."  
"But I'm still here", said the Beast. "Come now, let's fight." He extended his hand and a blade made of pure darkness materialized. I leapt at him with Aquamarine Nightmare, but he blocked. I was filled with determination, and I stuck my ground. Our swords ground together as we applied pressure on each other. Then I overpowered him, and he staggered back a couple steps. Then a second sword appeared in his other hand, and four more arms sprouted from his torso, each holding a sword of darkness. Sweat dripped from my brow. I wasn't sure I would make it. But I looked around. The battle was won, but I was stuck here with this beast, trapped by an impenetrable forcefield. The world was saved, the Skinwalkers lay dead around us, around the world, but here I was, still fighting to save my life.  
"Hey!" shouted Roxas. "Don't give up!"  
"Embrace your dreams!" shouted Zack.  
"I know you can do it!" called Korra.  
"Peace and love, man! Don't pass it by!" shouted Ringo.  
"I'm rooting for ya, kid!" said Sans.  
"Defeat him, my love!" cried May, her Pokemon joining in with their names.  
I was filled with determination. I held my sword against the beast.  
"Hoo boy", I said. "You've got a lot of swords there. But my spirit is stronger than steel!" we ran to each other. He brought all six of his swords against me, but I timed it just right that I severed all six of his arms. We faced opposite directions, but we could hear each other breathing heavily.  
"I see how it is", said the Beast. "Here, you have me beat. But let's see how you fare on my turf. I turned around and saw him levitate above the ground and float through the portal and back into his world.  
"It's all up to you now!" said Zack. "Become a true hero!"  
I followed the Beast through the portal.

TO BE CONTINUED


	5. WINTER LEAVES III PT 3

WINTER LEAVES LIKE A SON IN A PARADE III:  
THE EMPEROR AWAKENS IN CUCKOLD'S HORNS  
Written by Christopher Rangel  
PART III: THE END

"Do you know where we are?" asked the Beast. I looked around.  
"Its a forest."  
"Yes, it is", said the Beast as he looked around. "But it is not the one you are thinking of, and I am not the Beast you thought I was."  
"But... I don't know any other Beasts like you."  
The Beast chuckled. "Do you know what you have to do?"  
"No, I don't. What are you talking about?"  
"Ha ha ha ha", laughed the Beast, and he turned around.  
"Beast!" I shouted. There was no answer, of course, so I journeyed into the forest.  
It was very dark in the forest, and I can feel that things were staring at me from the shadows. I jumped from god beam to god beam to stay in the light, but it was a harder thing to do than jumping through twenty five flaming gorillas at the county zoo that haven't had enough to eat. There was a small pool of water amid the trees. When I looked in the pool I saw the internet. I stepped away, not sure what to make of that.  
The darkness far outweighed the light here, but there was still light, just as there is a little light in the darkness. I trudged onwards. The grass was still growing here, comforting but odd.  
There was a small cabin in a clearing in the woods, but once I made it to that clearing, while I hoped to stand in the sunlight, the day quickly switched to night. I knocked on the cabin door.  
"Hello?" came a voice from inside.  
"Hi", I said. "Its Chris."  
The door opened, but the cabin was empty. Not a speck of life. I walked inside and found a cozy straw couch. I sat on the couch and looked at the floor. The door closed, and I knew I was stuck here. For a while at least.  
In the air energy floated around, and I thought I could see millions of small pixies fucking.  
"Whole lot of fucking energy in here", I laughed to myself. I sighed. I tried thinking of everyone that made me happy, but it only brought along feelings of pain inside me. This place had hollowed the feelings I associated with them.  
I walked over to the window; the moon was full. That was something at least. Someone knocked on the cabin door.  
"Hello?" I said.  
"Hi", said the voice. "Its Chris."  
I opened the door, but no one was there. The door was open, though, so I seized the opportunity to step outside. Oh, but I had to lock the door before leaving. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my key, then locked the door behind me. I continued walking through the forest.  
There was a river I walked alongside for a while. I enjoyed the sound of the water tumbling over the rocks. It was calming, and kept me focused on my search for the Beast.  
"Beast!" I called. "Come out! You can't hide forever!"  
"But these are vast woods", the Beast's voice echoed between the trees. "And we are both on the move. Why can't I hide forever."  
"Because if I search forever, then at some point the odds are that we will cross paths."  
The Beast laughed. "Maybe you would find me if you had forever, but I am still decaying that other world, and when its gone you will have nowhere else to stay except for here."  
"Bastard", I said under my breath.  
I kept walking, and I kept walking, but eventually I tired. I found a large fallen tree and I sat down on it.  
Cracks of light were descending from the trees again and I looked down at the log. Ladybugs that were skeletons fluttered around and minded their own business on this piece of nature. I watched as they carried on their lives, the skeletal insects, and envied them. I had to get back up, and so I did.  
I closed my eyes for a second, and I heard some shuffling in the woods a way away. I kept my eyes closed and followed the sound. Surprisingly I did not bump into any trees, and the ground was even on my path. I walked forward, not opening my eyes but knowing when I should open them. I would open them in three... two... one.  
I opened my eyes and I was standing in front of the portal.  
"I've found you", said the Beast.  
"But I was the one looking for you!" I said.  
"Why can't both parties participate in the game?"  
"I don't know", I said.  
"There is very much you don't know. For example, do you know what you have to do yet?"  
"Actually", I said. "I do."  
"Oh", said the Beast. "How surprising! And yet, are you going to do it?"  
I stared at the ground for a few seconds. "No. I won't. I refuse. I can't."  
The Beast sighed. "That's unfortunate", he said. "I was hoping it wouldn't have to be like this, but you've given me no choice." The Beast's figure began to convulse, and he transformed into a creature of indescribable shape, the curves of its form breaking this way and that way, and his arms and legs were crooked appendages that bent in every direction before ending in its hands and feat. Its face was a giant piece of driftwood with black eyes and a jagged mouth formed on it, but there was fire within the mouth. I drew Aquamarine Nightmare.  
"You know who I am now, yes?" said the Beast.  
"Of course", I said. "And that's why I'm here. To defy you!" I charged at the Beast with my sword and jumped to its wooded chest, but then it massively increased in size, and as he stretched upwards, I two was carried upwards into the abyss where only occasionally light broke through, like a black hole was hanging in the sky. The trees below decayed more and more as I watched after I had pulled myself onto the Beast's shoulder and watched as if a child on the branch of the tree.  
"Can you see now?" asked the Beast. "This is not my world, and my extended presence here has torn it to shreds. I do not belong here." There was a long moment of silence. "And now that you're here, its decaying even faster."  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
"A long time ago this world was a lot like the world that you came from. It was bright, and the people here were plentiful and non-deformed. That was before I arrived... from that world. This place was similar, but different. It was good enough for me, someone who wanted to escape from that world no matter the cost. But as I stayed here for too long, I saw that I was beginning to change. I saw that the world was beginning to change. The people were reverting to a more feral state, and they began fighting each other, and the winner would wear the loser's skin upon victory. I just let this happen; that was just what this world was, I thought, and this was not that world. But soon this world will crumble completely. I'm not telling you this to ask for your help; it is already too late for me here. But you... you don't belong in that world. You must go back to where you came from before it is too late."  
"But I can't", I said. "I don't want to."  
"I see", said the Beast. "You have learned nothing from my story." He shrank down to his original size, and my feet reconnected to the ground. I pulled my sword from the Beast and stepped away.  
"I don't want to fight you", said the Beast. "But I'm afraid I must. I must defeat you, then destroy our worlds. It is the only thing I can do for you." He picked me up and threw me out the portal. Everyone was still standing around the forcefield, watching me. The Beast, still in the world he had corrupted, drew his sword of darkness.  
"Now, let's end this", said the Beast, and we both charged at each other, and our swords clashed right in the portal. There was a blinding flash of light, and when my vision regained I found myself standing on a gray circle the size of the forcefield that was around the portal, but there was a golden, cloudy, swirling dome around us.  
"Where are we?" I asked.  
"This is all that remains of the two worlds", said the Beast. "Our energy, combined with the energy of the portal, shrunk it all down to this. If I win, then this world disappears, and you return to your's. But if you win... well, I guess I won't be able to do much." He stood in the center of the dome and raised his sword, and a great blast of light emerged from the top of the dome and shot into him. His wooden exterior cracked off of him, and the darkness dissipated from his sword. The person standing before me had white hair and an orange-gold sword.  
"I am Risch, and I shall purge you from my world!"  
"I'm not going back!" I roared. We ran towards each other, our swords clashing. We kept parrying, neither of us able to land a hit on the other. It carried on for what felt like hours, and we tired at the same pace. Our strength was equally matched, and eventually we both stopped, bent over, and panted.  
"Just give up", he said.  
"Give up?" I repeated. "Give up?! GIVE UP?!" I mustered all of my energy and ran right towards Risch, and he looked up just as I stabbed him upwards, carrying him in the air with my sword.  
"Right", said Risch. "I guess I was at a disadvantage from the start." The dome disappeared, and I was back in the battlefield, all of my friends around me, cheering. I looked up in horror at Risch as he hung in the air from my sword like a shishkebab.  
"Remember... what I said", said Risch before he slowly vaporized into smaller particle.  
"I know what has to be done", I whispered. I sheathed Aquamarine Nightmare and turned to my army.  
"Its over", I said. "Risch... The Beast is gone. His world is empty. We have nothing left to do here. Let's go home."  
Ringo Starr gave me a car and I drove home, with May, Zack, and Roxas along as passengers. It was a silent ride, and a feeling of emptiness grew inside my stomach.  
I opened the door to my house, and May and I made our way to the living room.  
"About damn time!" said Kamina. "This baby's been a hassle and a half! Who the hell do you think I am?!" May laughed. I smiled, half amused.

ONE YEAR LATER

It had been a year since the end of the Skinwalker War, and the world was actually a little bleaker than it had been during. It was bleak even for a winter. Nonetheless, there was a parade to celebrate the occasion. It stretched out maybe a mile, and I watched all of it with May, Zack, Roxas, and Claudio-Sanchez Rangel. Claudio-Sanchez could walk now, but during the parade he wanted to run. In fact, he ran after the end of the parade.  
"Claudio!" I yelled. Then Zack laughed and picked up a flower that had emerged from the snow.  
"Its just like the old saying goes", said Zack.  
"Winter leaves like a son in a parade."

FIN


	6. deprIVed: THE END COMPLETE

WINTER LEAVES LIKE A SON IN A PARADE  
deprIVed: THE END COMPLETE  
written by Christopher Rangel

It had been ten years since the Skinwalker War. The story was over, and yet I was still here. The parade trudged on outside: I assume Claudio-Sanchez had gone to chase after it, and winter would chase him away from here.  
I turned over to May. She had seen better days. Her skin was now a moldy green, and her hair was falling out. She didn't talk anymore; she just sort of wheezed while trying to move her lips, which were also on the verge of falling off. She was decaying inside and out, but that didn't stop my morning wood. Sex is still sex, and a vagina is still a vagina, and May's Vagina was for my dick, no matter how rotten it was.  
I threw off the blankets and got on top of her. She looked up at me with nothing in her eyes, but nothing was enough. I took out my cock and plunged it into her green, oozing cunt. With each thrust there was a sickening squelch; I was probably damaging a whole lot of something, but I still craved the orgasm, and so I fucked away.  
Zack burst into the room and pulled me out of May.  
"Chris!" Zack yelled. "You can impregnate your dead wife later! He has returned!"  
"You don't mean..." I said.  
"Yes", said Zack. "Roxas has returned from the wasteland."  
I put on my clothes. "What did he see?" I asked.  
"He wants to tell you himself", said Zack. "He's at the Tipsy Chocobo."  
Then May rose up. She tried to get out of bed, but collapsed as soon as her feet touched the ground.  
"Shit", said Zack. He drew his Buster Sword and smashed it into May's skull, which splattered like a bug.  
"Hey, what the fuck?!" I yelled.  
"She's dead, I told you that already!" said Zack. "That was a mercy."  
"A mercy!" I yelled. "You fucking killed her!"  
"Come on", said Zack, and he grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out of my home.  
We arrived at The Tipsy Chocobo.  
"Where is that damn Roxas?! Roxas!" yelled Zack. He walked into The Tipsy Chocobo and pulled him out of an unwilling Xion cosplayer.  
"You can rape that cosplayer later", said Zack. "He has re..."  
"I don't give a FUCK!" said Roxas. "I wanna fuck whoever I wanna fuck whenever I wanna fuck 'em!" Zack noticed that Roxas was still naked.  
"You've had too much to drink, pal", said Zack.  
"I'm goin' back in", said Roxas. Zack knocked Roxas out with the handle of the Buster Sword.  
"Roxas is a rapist?" I said to myself. "I don't know about anything anymore."  
"As you can tell..." said Zack, "what he saw in the Wasteland was not very good."  
"I know what I need to do", the words echoed through my mind.  
"We have to get out of this world", I told Zack.  
"What... do you mean? Like Risch?"  
I thought for a second. "Actually, just I need to get out of this world."  
"Did you say get out of this world?" came a British voice. I turned. It was Arthur Dent! "I just happened to crash the Heart of Gold out in the Wasteland. It might be a bit of a fixerupper now, but she should still work."  
So Zack picked up Roxas and we headed towards the edge of the encampment. The gate was of wood and we opened it.  
"Good riddance", said the gatekeeper, Harry Potter.  
The sky was a dark haze, although it should have been daytime. Tired, decaying people trudged along outside. Shortly after leaving the encampment we passed the dying husks of Jon Snow, Hodor, and Macho Man Randy Savage. Then there was the sound of motorcycles and we were approached by John Watson and what appeared to be a threatening biker gang.  
"Old friends! How do you all fare?" he asked.  
"Pretty good, all things considered", Zack and I said. Roxas was still unconscious.  
"He doesn't look too good", Watson said, pointing to Roxas.  
"He is a rapist now", I said. "He will never be good again, but we still need him; he is our friend."  
Watson nodded. "Well, that's all very good. Anyways, do you want to see something rad?!"  
"Yes", said me and Zack and we got on motorcycles and rode with Watson and his gang.  
We arrived to a pit in the ground and we stood at the edge.  
"Look down", said Watson. I looked down, and the pit was completely filled with deformed humans, dark and primal like the Skinwalkers Risch had brought from the world he had corrupted.  
"They are nothing but mindless beasts, these Twistedminds", said Watson. "But we can control them. They are an expendable army that we can use to conquer this world, and to bring this world to order. Isn't that great?" I stepped away from the pit. "And check out what I have!" said Watson. He brought out and put on the skin of Ringo Starr and threw the skin of Korra at my feet. "Its getting a helluva lot colder around here, so we can all use as many layers as we can get." He looked at me, Zack, and Arthur Dent with an odd expression. "What's wrong with you guys?" he asked.  
"You're one of them", I said.  
"What?!" said Watson. "I am nothing like the Skinwalkers of old. We need this skin, they just wanted it. And besides, the previous owners were on the brink of death anyways."  
I looked at Zack.  
"I see you're not convince", said Watson. "That's unfortunate. I was so hoping we could still be friends. Fleshrunners, attack!" and his gang surged in on us. Zack and I drew our swords, Zack putting Roxas down, and Arthur Dent cowered near Roxas.  
Zack and I made quick work of the "Fleshrunners". They were strong, but we were stronger, and then we ran to where Watson had gone.  
"And now the gates are open!" said Watson. He opened a gate that was connected to the pit, and all of the Twistedminds flooded out. Watson laughed as they tore him to shreds, and then they came after us.  
"Come on!" said Arthur. "The Heart of Gold is not too far away!" And we ran, following after Arthur Dent.  
We made it to the Heart of Gold. Zack set Roxas down on a couch and Marvin the Paranoid Android came out of somewhere.  
"Marvin, we need you to fix the ship!" said Arthur.  
"Brain the size of a planet..." mumbled Marvin as he got to work.  
The Twistedminds were gaining on us, but Marvin was fast in the fixing and we took off and flew towards the sky, which now looked like a blackhole, like in Risch's world. But one of the Twistedminds blasted us with a rocket launcher.  
"Shit!" said Arthur Dent. "They've learned how to use weapons! Hold on, everyone!" and we crashed.  
When my eyes opened I looked around. Zack was picking himself up off the ground, seemingly alright, but Marvin's body was scattered across the crash site, Arthur Dent was impaled on a piece of debris, and Roxas was completely engulfed in fire and slowly turning into ash.  
"Well, I guess its just you and me", said Zack.  
"Yeah", I said, holding in tears. In the distance we could see Midgar, but over the crest of the hill the horde of Twistedminds swept towards us.  
"Just like old times", said Zack. The song "The Price of Freedom" from Crisis Core Final Fantasy VII appeared, along with the words "ACTIVATE COMBAT MODE".  
Zack and I drew our swords and engaged in combat with the Twistedminds. We hacked them down, dodging their bullets, clashing with their steel, there seemed to be millions of them, and our energy was not limitless. As we tired out, they started landing hits on us, but we did not stop fighting. Our bodies were cut, our arms were tired, but we still thinned their ranks. We were hurting bad, though.  
Almost an entire day had passed, but there were only five Twistedminds left. The both of us were limping now, barely able to lift our swords. When I swung at one of the Twistedminds, I lost my balanced and collapsed. Then I looked up and saw one of the Twistedminds shoot Zack in the forehead.  
"No!" I yelled, and I watched as the surviving Twistedminds gathered around Zack and shot and slashed away at him. Then they became bored with him and started walking towards me, but just before they reached me a Keyblade came spinning and hit and killed each one of them. It did not return to its owner, however. Roxas's burnt hand fell limp.  
I used my might to push myself up, and limped over to Zack.  
"Zack!" I yelled. He looked up at me, slowly.  
"You're still alive", said Zack. "That's good." He coughed. "Now you just gotta get out of here. You have to return to your world, and you have to embrace your dreams. Hear me? Embrace your dreams!"  
"I hear you", I said.  
"Good", said Zack. "Hey, would you say... I became a hero?"  
I stifled a cry. "You always were."  
"Heh", said Zack. And he was gone. I pulled my emotions together and, unsure of where else to go, I walked towards the Fountain of Captain Falcon.  
"You've finally arrived", a voice said. Standing in front of the fountain was Castiel. "There's not much time", he said. "You must come with me."  
"What?" I said. Then he grabbed my wrist and we teleported to a white hall. Castiel and I stood before two thrones on which sat two people.  
"I am Emperor Daniel Sexbang", said one of them who appeared to have horns under his massive hair.  
"And I am King Egoraptor", said the other one. "Castiel, I assume you have nothing to bear to me except for bad news, am I correct?"  
"Correct", said Castiel. "The world below has gone to total fucking shit. We need to get this guy the fuck out of here."  
"Of course", said Emperor Daniel Sexbang. "Bring in the Saint!"  
A door opened, and into the hall came... RISCH.  
"You finally made it", said Risch. "I was worried you'd just let yourself die down there!"  
"What are you doing here?" I asked.  
"He is your judgement", said King Egoraptor. "You've killed so many people dishonorably."  
"What do you mean?" I asked. "Everyone I fought I fought head on!"  
"But you had an advantage at your fingertips. You are the hero of this story... the writer of this story. So many of the victories your fellow protagonists had were because they were unrealistically distracted, or by tossing in a Deus ex Machina. But here... you must fight Risch without these cheats. Only then will you be free."  
"How do I do that? If I'm the one writing, then aren't I cheating by default?"  
The King and the Emperor shrugged. "Figure it out", they said. So I drew my sword and turned to Risch, who drew his sword.

BOSS: SAINT RISCH

Once more, we ran towards each other and clashed swords.  
"You still haven't figured it out yet!" he yelled, and he jumped back, then jumped forward again with a downstroke, which I blocked. We swung and blocked at each other, sometimes I would walk backwards, and sometimes he'd be the one forced back. Then I managed to stab him in the chest and he laughed.  
"WHEN WILL YOU FIGURE IT OUT!?" Risch screamed.

SECOND FORM: RISCH THE DESTROYER

Risch grew into a giant, two headed form of himself, the second head emerging from his crotch, and two more sets of arms sprouted beneath his other two arms. He had six swords again. He swung at me with all six swords at once, but I managed to block. "How are you doing that?!" he yelled with a laugh. "I am larger than you, I am stronger than you, you've never even lifted a sword!"  
"DAMMIT!" I yelled, and I jumped backwards. "How do I do this", I thought. We circled each other, making our ways around the throneroom. I was frustrated, and I had had enough. I roared with fury and jumped high into the air, then cut Risch in half. Savage laughter erupted from around the room.

FINAL BOSS: RISCHERTOPH INVINCIBUS: THE SUPREME ANGEL

The two halves of Risch dematerialized, then reformed as a towering angel with wings and one massive sword, orange like fire.  
"WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!" roared Risch.  
"BECAUSE YOU WON'T DIE!" I roared back. I jumped and tried to stab him through the chest, but Aquamarine Nightmare shattered as soon as it made contact, and I crashed into him and fell to the ground. I scurried backwards, and he followed slowly with a wicked grin.  
"What do I do?" I thought to myself repeatedly. Then I remembered what Risch had said. "Why are you still here?"

I stopped writing the story. I found myself sitting in front of my laptop, the words I had written staring back in disappointment. I hung my head in shame; what had I created? I looked outside. It was sunny, and it was still warm enough to take an enjoyable walk. I put on my sneakers, put my dog on his leash, and stepped outside. Maybe I would think of something better to write.

ET FINEM PERFECTUS


	7. CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

WINTER LEAVES LIKE A SON IN A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL:  
A SAD SONG SINGS BENEATH THE CHRISTMAS TREE  
Written by Christopher Rangel

Gregory Stapleton from Winchester Nevada stood beneath the burning star above. He looked up at the Christmas tree. It was good, it was ready.  
"Piece of shit", said Solid Snake, his father. "You did nothing to help decorate this tree!"  
"Sorry, dad", said Gregory Stapleton. Snake spat in his direction and lit the tree.  
"Don't worry, nephew", said Liquid Snake. "You know I love you."  
"No you don't", spat Solid Snake. "You don't love anyone. I got dad's love genes."  
"Maybe your right", said Liquid. "But it is Christmas, and we all have to love when it is Christmas."  
"Maybe you're right", said Solid Snake. He lit a cigarette. "Nah. Go to your room, Greg. You can come down when your mom comes home."  
After an hour or so, Gregory Stapleton's mom, Meryl, came home.  
"Hello honey", said Meryl.  
"Hello honey", said Snake and they kissed even though there was no misletoe above their heads.  
"Where is Gregory Stapleton?" asked Meryl.  
"He went to his room because he is a little shit", said Snake.  
"Okay, I will go see him", said Meryl, so she went to Gregory Stapleton's room but it was empty and there was an empty window.  
"He is gone!" exclaimed Meryl.  
Liquid Snake came in with a smile. "I guess he was finally driven off by his father's hatred."  
So Meryl hit Solid Snake in the face and blamed him for Gregory Stapleton running away and divorced him and got outta town. Solid Snake was left to cry in his house.  
"He is my son and he ran away", said Solid Snake. Liquied Snake sat beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Do not worry, my brother", he said. "We can find him. It is Christmas!"  
"Yeah", said Snake, so he pulled himself together and wiped a tear from his eye and they went outside and went looking through the forest.  
"Gregory Stapleton from Winchester Nevada, where are you?!" they cried. The forest was dark and they couldn't see anything.  
"Are you looking for someonne?" asked a voice.  
"I am looking for my so", said Snake.  
"I have not son your son", said the voice.  
"Who are you?" asked Liquied.  
The man stepped out of the shadow, revealing that he was actually Santa Clause.  
"Hello, I am Sante Clause" he said. "Get in my sleigh and I can help you find your son."  
"Okay", said the Snakes and they got in the sleigh and took to the sky.  
"Gregory Stapleton!" They cried from Santa's sleigh. "Where are you?!"  
"I am here!" replied Gregory Stapleton from a prison cell.  
"We will get you!" said Solid Snake. So they went to the prison and bailed Gregory Stapleton out.  
"Why did you get locked up?" asked Snake.  
"Because I killed onne of Santa's reindeer.  
"You motherfucker!" yelled Santa Claus. "That was you that did it!" Santa drew a red and white candy cane sword and approached Gregory Stapleton. "Now you die!"  
"But it is Christmas!" begged Gregory Stapleton.  
"Yeah, dude, it is Christmas!" said Snake.  
"You are right", said Santa Clause. "It is Christmas. Learn how to fight like a man and not hide behind your dads and meet me at the North Pole where we will fight to the death."  
"I am not one of his dads", said Liquid Snake.  
"You are now", said Santa and he disappeared.  
"Holy shit", said Solid Snake. "You have to kill Santa Cluass."  
"How can I do that? He is too strong!" said Gregory Stapleton.  
"Do not worry, I know a friend who can train you real good", so they went and found Sephiroth who was hanging around in an alleyway.  
"My old friend Solid Snake", said Sephiroth. "What brings you here?"  
"My son has picked a fight with Santa Claus and he needs help. Can you train him?"  
Sephiroth looked at Gregory Stapleton. "I can't make him an expert warrior or anything, but I can definitely give it the old college try. I do owe you one, after all."  
So Sephiroth trained Gregory Stapleton in that alley until he was ready to go.  
"Thanks Sephiroth", said Gregory Stapleton.  
"I like you, kid", said Sephiroth. "Now, let's go to the North Pole!"  
They began their trek to the North Pole.  
"What are you guys doing?" came a voice. It was Buddy the Elf! He came over and shook everyone's hand. "Mighty cold night to be out and about!"  
"We are going to the North Pole to kill Santa Claus", said Gregory Stapleton.  
"I am very unhappy with my job and he is my boss", said Buddy the Elf. "Can I come and help?"  
"Yes", said Snake. "But it is Gregory who must fight Santa himself." Liquid stood off to the side, smiling at something.  
"What is so funny?" asked Biddy.  
"Nothing. Don't worry about it", said Liquid.  
"Oh, but I do like a good joke."  
Liquid grabbed Buddy by the skull and lifted himm into the air. "Do you enjoy a good death, though?"  
"Not so much", said Buddy and he was dropped to the ground.  
The Snakes, Gregory Stapleton, and Buddy the Elf continued their trek to the north pole.  
"I'm getting hungry", said Gregory Stapleton.  
"YOu're in luck", said Buddy the Elf. "We're pretty close to Rudolph's jogging route, and this is the time he jogs."  
Liquid Snake loaded his gun.  
"My oh my, am I ready for some reindeer meat!" said Liquid Snake.  
They all laid down behind a bush and waited for Rudolph to come around, Liquid looking down his scopes.  
Eventually Rudolph came with his girlfriend. They weren't running, they were just walking and talking.  
"Gotacha", said Liquid Snake and he pulled the trigger and next thing everyone knew a giant river of red exploded out of Rudolph's neck (so now it matched his nose). Rudolph fell over and his girlfriend ran away. It was Gregory Stapleton that approached Rudolph first. He wasn't quite dead yet; he was still breathing and trying to utter words. "Don't trust... your uncle..." he said before he died.  
"Well well well, at it again I see", said Santa Claus as his silhouette appeared a few trees away. He stepped forward into the light so everyone can see.  
"Alright, Nick", said Sephiroth. "Time to face the boy."  
"Sephiroth, my old friend", said Santa. "Nice to see you around here! Anyways, this is not the place to battle. I'll be at my workshop. See me there."  
Santa disappeared, but Buddy the Elf knew the way and, after Liquid Snake had torn off and pocketed Rudolph's red nose, led them right to Santa's workshop. They huddled behind a rock and tried to scope a way to get in without alerting any of the elves.  
"So, you guys are looking for a way in too, huh?" came a voice next to them. It was Jack Skellington!  
"And who the fuck are you supposed to be?" asked Solid Snake.  
"I am Jack Skellington, the Halloween Pumpkin King, and I am here to take over Christmas too!"  
"Do you have any skills?" asked Liquid.  
"I can be a skeleton!" Jack proclaimed.  
"That'll do", replied Liquid.  
"I reckon", began Jack Skellington, "If we just walk on in, those elves won't even give a flying fuck."  
"You might be right", said Solid Snake. So they all got up and just walked inside.  
"Holy shit!" said one of the elves and he drew a gun and so did all the rest of the elves so the Snakes, Gregory Stapleton, Sephiroth, Buddy the Elf, and Jack Skellington backed into a corner, weapons drawn, as the elves began trying to fire at them.  
"I got this", said Solid Snake and he threw a grenade and blew up all the elves. "Remember guys, this is a sneaking mission, so let's do our best not to get detected!"  
They snuck through the workshop until they found Santa's throneroom.  
"Are you ready for this, son?" asked Snake.  
"Yeah, dad. I can do it."  
"Look, I know I haven't been the best father, but you've gotta understand that I've seen some shit, and its made me tough. You gotta see shit too, to get tough, even if it means me putting your head in the toilet right after I used it."  
"I know, dad. I know." Solid Snake nodded and handed Gregory Stapleton his sword, a grey blade known as "Villainous Staple". Gregory Stapleton stepped into the throneroom, his companions following behind.  
"So you made it", said Santa Claus, rising from his throne.  
"You issued the challenge, I had to show up", shrugged Gregory Stapleton.  
"Very well", said Santa Claus. "Let's begin." He teleported from his throne right in front of Gregory Stapleton, who barely managed to block his sword. It was a frenzied fight to meet the parries and Santa was not breaking a sweat. His candy cane colored sword was unbeatable and eventually Gregory Stapleton found himself knocked to the ground. Santa Claus hefted his sword, Candicanous, over his head.  
"This is where you die", said Santa Claus.  
"No!" shouted Snake.  
"Ho, ho, ho...ly shit, I've been shot!" Santa Claus yelled after a gunshot erupted through the room. He held onto his chest and looked at the blood on his hands before he fell to the ground with a thunderous thud.  
Solid Snake looked at his gun, his hand shaking. He holstered it and walked towards Gregory Stapleton.  
"You fucking pussy!" Snake yelled. "Because of you, I had to kill Father Christmas dishonorably! You were trained! You could have won! But here I had to do your dirty work. I'm the man who ended Christmas!"  
"Forgive me, father", said Gregory Stapleton. "Even though Santa's gone, it is still Christmas. It is still a day of forgiveness."  
"After what you've made me do... I'll never forgive you. This blood is on your hands, and the world will remember this as your doing." Solid Snake left the throneroom.  
"Dad? Dad!" cried Gregory Stapleton.  
"Don't worry about him", said Liquid Snake, putting a hand on Gregory Stapleton's shoulder. "He never loved you anyways. And now you've got good old Uncle Liquid here to help you. And our buddy Sephiroth, too!"  
Meanwhile, Sephiroth was in a trance, walking towards the corpse of Santa Claus. "There is a voice calling to me", he said. He drew his Masamune and looked down at the dead Saint. Instinctively, he cut a giant tear into his back, gutted everything, and climbed inside his skin.  
"Ho ho ho", said Sephiroth. "I am Santaroth!"  
Everybody laughed.  
"Hey, that's a neat trick!" said Buddy the Elf. "But now we have to find out who will run Christmas." There was silence. Sephiroth took off Santa's skin and looked at it, almost uncomfortably.  
Liquid Snake took Rudolph's nose out of his pocket. "We don't need anyone to run Christmas", said Liquid Snake. "That's not what it it about." He placed Rudolph's nose onto the cold hard floor. "Christmas is all about the birth of God."  
"Liquid, what is that? Some kind of Materia?" asked Sephiroth.  
"It is a stone that, well, has some special ability. You'll see." With his boot, Liquid Snake crushed the stone into dust. "Now, we all just need to sing. Come on, everyone, let's sing!"  
"Ooh, I love singing!" exclaimed Buddy the Elf. "Any song in particular?"  
"O Holy Night", said Liquid Snake. So everyone: Liquid Snake, Gregory Stapleton, Jack Skellington (The new King of Christmas), Sephiroth, and Buddy the Elf, joined hands and sang "O Holy Night". A brilliant light consumed the room, and in the center, amid a swirling vortex of the crushed red stone, a baby appeared. The baby was me.  
Liquid Snake approached me, picked me up, and raised me into the air, showing me to everyone else.  
"Everyone in attendance!" Liquid shouted. "I present to you... GOD!"  
Everyone cheered, and all around the world celebrations broke out with my coming. It was Christmas time, and everyone found it in their hearts to forgive, just for one day. Even Solid Snake, sitting alone in his Alaskan home, looked at the photo on the mantle, of him and Gregory Stapleton, with regret.  
They took me on a world tour, the last stop of which was Whoville, where the Grinch, who never liked the materialistic part of Christmas, was completely behind celebrating me, Christopher Rangel, the boy who put the "Christ" in Christmas.  
At the end of the trip, Gregory Stapleton threw me down a chimney in Britain, and the crew in the sleigh flew off to meet their eventual fates.  
"Oh dear", came a woman's voice. "What has fallen down the chimney? Oh my, it is a baby! A baby boy! You have a new friend for Christmas! May, come down here!"

FIN


End file.
